God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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