Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
