Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
