U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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