dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
