wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
