and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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