I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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