I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
