I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
