I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
