my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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