i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
and you fell through a lawn chair
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
