I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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