I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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