I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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