Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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