i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize