I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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