considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
