i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
