You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
