i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
