were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
