i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
