dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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