And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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