you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
