I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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