she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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