if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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