If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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