The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
