I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
