There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
