Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
