I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
