Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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