plz talk dirty to me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
