Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
