Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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