She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
