I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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