her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
