How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
