i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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