I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
