haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
