During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
