It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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