You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
