it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
