I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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