she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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