while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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