I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
