just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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