I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
