I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
