Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
