So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
