i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
