Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
