his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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