sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
