I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk is not a location!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
