My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
