I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
