In the future we'll all be gay
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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